The feeding experts say sitting together to share a family meal is an important part of bonding, and helps to form healthy eating habits. Ha! Easier said than done!
We know families look different from home to home, life is fast paced, and that cultural influences are at play when it comes to food choices. Furthermore, things like the age of your children, daily routines, food preferences, and work schedules profoundly impact our lives in ways that make prioritizing family meals feel impossible.
But what if I said the vision you have in your head for what a family meal should look like is wrong?
Imagine a Family Meal
I don’t know about you, but when I see or hear the words “Family Meal,” an image pops into my head. A very particular one and it looks something like this:
Norman Rockwell’s Freedom From Want painted in 1943
Truthfully, I don’t particularly like this image and I’m slightly embarrassed that it’s what comes to mind because, as a woman, it’s just so… patriarchal.
For you, a slightly different image might come to mind, one that reflects your experiences or cultural expectations. It may have a larger or smaller group of people or be with, our without, children or grandparents. It may show greater diversity or include different dishes and types of foods.
Regardless of the scene’s particulars, all images of a “family meal” have these common elements.
- everyone seated at a table
- lots of food
- food being passed or shared
- people smiling
Shaping Our Ideals
From 1943 to 2023
Despite how much has changed over the past 80 years, many of us continue to hold onto images like these. While there are positives to family meals, I think we can all agree Norman Rockwell’s depiction of life in America is outdated and it’s time we redefine family meals to reflect today’s world.
An artist named Hank Willis (along with several of his colleagues) recreated several modern-day versions of this classic image. Though not entirely comprehensive, you’ll notice an increase in diversity and a shift in the roles and identities that make up today’s modern family.
A Push Towards Change
These untraditional images challenge the ideals we have for what meal times in America ‘should’ look like. More specifically, it challenges the very definition of family.
Today, American families look quite different than they did in the 40’s.
- We have single parent households, LGBTQIA+ families, polyamorous families, foster or adoptive families, and blended families.
- We have people from all over the world, with varying traditions and cultural dishes.
- We have families with two working adults and little time to prepare meals.
- We have families who grow their own food and ones who’ve never had a fresh vegetable in their life.
- We have different skills and interests in the kitchen with those that love to cook and those who can’t.
While we see more diversity in Hank Willis’ renderings and the google search results, we still have more work to do with regard to melding the ideal with reality.
Expectations vs. Reality
I don’t know about you but perfect meals are far and few between in my house. Everyone sitting down together eating home-cooked meals which make everyone happy…. ha!
Although it’s important to validate the struggles we all face, we shouldn’t totally abandon the concept of the ideal family meal, because in a lot of ways (not all), the ideal family meal is perfection.
Elements of a Perfect Family Meal
The perfect family meal has key elements that we really should aim to preserve and incorporate as much as possible, because they offer us both physical and psychological benefits.
Everyone sits down at the table. Sitting forces us to stop and enjoy the moment. It allows our bodies to rest and be fueled.
Everyone eats the same meal (which is hopefully balanced). Eating the same foods allows us to model the eating habits we want for our children. Plus, nobody becomes a short order cook.
Foods are home-made. Cooking foods at home allows us to control the menu, portions, and ingredients. More often than not, this leads to healthier meals.
Everyone talking, sharing stories, and laughing. Good conversation and laughter foster connection which, in turn, increases our sense of belonging and, ultimately, our happiness.
But the reality of it….
The kids won’t eat the food you made becuase it contains something green. You forgot to grab an ingredient at the store. You never seem to have enough time to plan and make a well developed, balanced, home-cooked meal. The kitchen is a mess, you still have laundry to do and a screaming toddler. The children run in and begin eating all the snacks because they’re “starving!”
Sound familiar?
Perhaps you’re measuring your family meal success with that image of perfection above? The one we said was ideal but rarely attainable.
When we have unrealistic expectations, we set ourselves up to fail.
Related: Reducetarianism: Is it the next best thing?
Is there somewhere in between that offers the benefits of a family meal, without all the stress?
Is there a happy middle ground?
Reimagine the Perfect Family Meal
Family meals can (but don’t have to) include everyone, be every day, or include everyone eating the same foods.
They can be at the dining room table, in the living room (with the tv off!), or in the car between activities.
They could be with the entire family, or only just one other member.
You can all eat the same foods, or everyone could eat something different.
Shoot, only one of you needs to be eating to have a family meal.
The perfect family meal doesn’t have to be ‘Norman Rockwell perfect.’ There is no right or wrong way to eat, as long as you are all smiling and nourished.
Because the primary concept behind family meals is to spend quality time together, with a secondary goal of modeling good eating habits.
So, breathe. Slow down. Think. Plan. Act.
Identifying and creating the opportunities to do this in any way possible will foster your relationships and promote healthy habits for everyone, including you.
You will find a way, and, remember, whatever you DO is better than doing nothing at all.
Related: Be SMART About Your New Year Resolution
Dos and Don’ts of family meals…
- Do sit down to eat.
- Do remember most* children won’t boycott meals to the point of starvation.
- Do always offer a fully balanced meal, even if you know they won’t eat something.
- Do include at least one thing on the plate you know they’ll eat.
- Do aim to eat as a family at least one time per week. If you can’t do that for whatever reason, try once a month.
- Do talk. Take turns sharing: one thing you are thankful for and one thing you are looking forward to, then give one compliment to each person at the table.
- Don’t allow for distractions when eating together (i.e. no phones or tv).
- Don’t sweat it if you can’t meet those unrealistic expectations everyday.
- Do better than you did the day before.
*there’s always that one kid…
As always… Bon appetit, witches!
